Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
