if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
