sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
