I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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