Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
