How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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