lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
