So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
