my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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