You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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