Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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