I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
