I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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