I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
