We're facebook friends in real life
My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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