scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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