When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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