i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
