is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
