My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
