You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
