I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im having a threesome with these popsicles
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
