I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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