I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
