the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
