Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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