Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
