It's Friday. Sex?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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