there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
