I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
