I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
