shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want you more than these girls want KFC
worst night to have a conscience
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
