Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
