If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
