Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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