I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
