He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I love you. Go after that dick
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
