I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
