Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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