I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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