Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
