sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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