What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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