evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
