He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
