If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
