I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
