im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
