i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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