I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
