I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
