I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Still dying that you shit outside
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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